If I Were Gackt

[karadin.livejournal.com]

Fandom Gackt
Parody of Avenue Q's 'If You Were Gay'
author Karadin
Rating M for Mature
Lyrics copyright Avenue Q
Disclaimer the author takes no remuneration for this parody
copyright Karadin 2009


YOU
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "The Wii users manual!"
(No Demon Lord to bother me.)
How could it get any better than this?

GACKT
Taidama!

YOU
(groans)

GACKT
Hey You, you'll never
Guess what happened this morning.
A horde of screaming fans ran the length of Shibuya after me.

YOU
That's very interesting (It happens whenever you leave the coffin)

GACKT
They were so excited,
I hope someone called an ambulance
(and alerted the media)
They knew despite my disguise, I was GACKT!

YOU
Ahem, a placard that states I AM NOT GACKT
does not make a disguise.
Why should I care?
What did you have for lunch today?

GACKT
Oh, mah, don't get
All defensive about it, You...

YOU
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some rabid fans you met, okay?
I'm trying to read.

GACKT
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it.
I just think your insecurity is something we should talk about.

YOU
I don't want to talk about it,
This conversation is over!!!

GACKT
Yeah, but...

YOU
OVER!!!

GACKT
Well, okay, but just so you know
If you were Gakuto
That would be neato
I mean, cause hey
you'd get sex right away
because you see
if You were me
I would feel free
to sex up GACKT.
(But you're not GACKT)

YOU
Gackun, please!
I am trying to read....What?!

GACKT
If you were GACKT

YOU
I need some aspirin

GACKT
I'd make it clear

YOU
Wasn't Chacha at home?

GACKT
Year after year ...

YOU
Why do I even give you keys?

GACKT
You could even join DEARS
with me,

YOU
Argh!

GACKT
And I know that You.

YOU
What?

GACKT
Would accept You too.

YOU
I would?

GACKT
If you told me today
Hey, guess what I'm GACKT!
(But you are not GACKT)
I'm happy
just being with You.

YOU
But now, wait, who is You?

GACKT
So what should it
matter to me
What you do in bed
With GACKT?

YOU
Isn't that incest?

GACKT
No, it's Self Love
If you were GACKT
I'd shout GANBATTE!

YOU
There are knives in the kitchen.

GACKT
In your arms I'd stay.

YOU
... really?

GACKT
But I wouldn't let you
go all the way.

YOU
AGH!

GACKT
You can count on me
to show that I love You
every day
Because you see
everyone wishes they were
born this way
and with a little
nip and tuck
(and a lot of luck)
You're GACKT!

YOU
But I'm not GACKT!

GACKT
Alas, no.


YOU
....I'm not paid enough.